Every week, I’ll share useful materials I’ve read, listened to or learned.  We’re blessed by an infinite amount of resources and my wish is to share these essences and insights for the collective growth.

This week: How do you influence others?

The episode of “The Influence You Have” on the NPR podcast ‘Hidden Brain’ was fascinating.

We often worry about what others think of us, especially strangers. But we seldom think about the other side of the coin: How are our behaviours having an impact on them?

In this podcast, the female researcher needed to approach strangers waiting for buses and asked them to participate in a survey. She found the process daunting and presumed most people would refuse to cooperate. To her surprise, most people agreed to do her survey. She explained, “we’re often consumed with our own perspective, and fail to see the signs that others are uncomfortable, anxious or afraid”.

In another research, an experiment was made in a public library where strangers were asked to help with putting the word “prickle” on (fake) library books as pranks. The participants would verbally say “this is wrong”, yet went ahead and did the prank. It was more uncomfortable for them to say no than to conduct unethical behaviour!

Meet ‘Egocentric bias’

This phenomenon is known as an “egocentric bias.”

We are often unaware of the power we exert over others and tend to live in our heads. Consequently, we create an egocentric bias where everything is about “Me! Me! Me!”.

This can be problematic in two ways.

1. We might overlook how we are causing others discomfort or even suffering when we’re not mindful with our words and actions.
2. We might deprive ourselves the power to make a positive impact or evoke changes in a community, as we only focus on our own fears and doubts.

Taking a ‘heart-centred’ approach instead

Increasingly, we hear the term “heart-centred approach” not just as a lifestyle, but also as a way to do business and perform at work. We shift our mind to our heart, by quieting ourselves and listening to our intuition and inner wisdom. The ability to look inward stops us from pointing fingers, projecting our emotions and causing more conflict with ourselves and others.

So, pause and think for yourself: Are there any “egocentric bias” in your daily interactions? How do you want to influence people? What impact do you want to make?

Let me know your thoughts by leaving a comment.

Till next week!